User blog comment:GrandMethuselah67/Character Sheet 1: Vance Mattingly/@comment-4867780-20150418132647

I believe there's a mistake in the 4031 date, right ? since it's the 31rd century, rather than the 41rd ?

The way he entered the Outsider Corps seemed a bit hasted. Poping up in their HQ seems a rather unwelcomed surprise for a top secret organization, as much likely to get him killed as to get employed. Maybe a few precisions about how his abilities displayed in self-defense impressed the corpse, and convinced them to opt for the employment route ?

On his end, it would be interested to explain his own motives for joining the corps. Only way to keep his life/memories ? Desire to test/improve his abilities ? To benefit from the corps' advanced technology ? To beat up monsters ? To protect the world ? To live the awesome life of elite secret agent ? All of the above ?

Psionic Manipulation could reasonably steam from advanced transhumanism, immersively completing his artificial abilities in an clearly Science Fiction setting. Form and Essence Manipulation however are broken meta powers that seem vividely out of place in the story, especially considering how balanced and justified everything else is.

Would it be possible to find some convincing foundation within the context of the story ? Otherwise, I'm affraid it will give a nasty blow to the Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

Other than that, I entirely agree with Cool Cat. You started with nothing short of a masterpiece here : fascinating setting and character, great balance of quantity and quality (generous content without overload / many details easy to understand), great writting style (read it in one go with pleasure and zero effort - 1rst time that happens to me ^ ^).

The georgeous and well choosen pics with immersive quotes and generous size are the icing on the story cake :D

P-S : Would you like to   for Drayse's Cestus of Goliath ? Its description matches them so closely I'm pretty sure they were the direct inspiration.

Feel free to add them to Drayse's gear gallery, they suits his equipment much more than Agnos' anyway, I only kept them because they were too cool not to be used B)