Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-33195384-20170929215911/@comment-762531-20170930211921

DYBAD wrote: As long as they are constructive and respectful about it.

Then let me be constructive about Lawrence. I doubt I can be as respectful as you want me to, though. Anything underlined in the quote are the times you remind us he's heterosexual.

I was dared by my brother and sister to read it because they had already read the whole thing and they were laughing their asses off. I, on the other hand, had to stop halfway because it was getting the better of me, causing me physical pain.

The fact people had to make their own power, "Lawrence Immunity", or as one character put it, "F**K OFF LAWRENCE", should be a sign that not even other OP characters want any of this.

I was already getting a headache from the infobox. "Invincible Monster" already set off alarms in my head that this wasn't going to be fun for me. "Alpha Sweetheart" was giving me violent diarrhea. I hate when someone describes themselves or their characters as "Alpha" or "Alpha Males". The concept of "alpha" is socially constructed by those who want to feel superior, based off of a scientist who was studying wolves, who then later found out and said that there was no such thing as alpha wolves.

His alignment as "Neutral Awesome" turned me into Vinesauce Joel's dad as I screamed "HELP ME, JESUS!!!" It's just self-exaltation. Couldn't you have some sort of humbleness and just not?

Then, he has all of these jobs, which the Mary Sue Litmus Test calls "Barbie Doll Syndrome": given all of these occupations or professions no matter how irrelevant they are to each other.

Then there's the overuse of any word relating to hedonism. Like, couldn't you mix it up a bit? Or just not constantly mention it?

And ALL of the citizens of his city are his wives and daughters...? I'm all for polyamory, but only within reasonable boundaries (I usually cross the line at five partners, and six would be pushing it). Marrying every woman in a city is just overkill courtesy of Wish Fulfillment Central.

Then there's the plot...

"Before the omniversal totality emerged into defined existence, a unique infinitesimal part separated from the whole, lacking the ability for spontaneous evolution. While the omniversal totality gradually evolved and took shape into endless infinities of multiverses, having lost its prime undefineness, the lone shard continued to drift aimlessly through myriads of planes, bearing literally infinite potentialities but with not traits of its own, until it eventually encountered and merged with a human being on one of the countless alternate Earths. The shard granted the human the power to absorb and replicate anything, being the only surviving piece of the origin of all origins, and the abilitiy to freely move through the planes that led it here, while the human granted the shard awareness and sentience, resulting in the entity since known as Lawrence Selforge."

Typos: undefineness (formlessness would have been less clunky), "with not traits of its own" ("not" should be "no") abilitiy (ability)

And so begins my start of pain. There's nothing wrong with this by itself. But it's what it turns into that made me just go ballistic.

"His ability to absorb/become anything and redefine his form/properties at will stripped away all sense of vulnerability, needs and limits. As a consequence, Lawrence developed an extremely confident, open-minded and hedonistic personality, seeing the world around him as his playground and everything in it a source of growth and enjoyment."

Hedonist count: 1

Having no weaknesses means there's no dramatic tension on who's going to win or not. The writers of Superman gave Superman his Kryptonite weakness for the sole reason that they realized having a completely invincible superhero would remove all dramatic tension. Second, I know consequence doesn't have to be necessarily bad, but I still don't like it when it's used to describe positive things. Also, I've seen this too much with many-a-character. "Oh, they see the world like fun and games". It doesn't spark anything in me anymore. That's why a few of my characters see the world as not a playground, but something worth fighting for, while the rest of them see it as a crapsack.

"He is essentially amoral, feeling little actual concern for anyone aside from the people he comes to care about, but his hedonistic nature makes him very hostile to whoever selfishly destroys the happiness of others, and inherently respectful of every person’s right to the pursuit of their own happiness, paradoxically leading to a fairly moral behavior overall."

Hedonist count: 2

I don't get it, honestly. If he still goes after those who want to destroy others' happiness, isn't that a moral code?

"Unlike many powerful entities, he doesn't agree with the infamous 'might makes right' self-serving policy, seeing the two as completely unrelated. To him, power is only the measure of one's ability to affect the world, and despite the obvious benefits bestowed upon its wielders, it doesn't give them any particular "right" over others or their legitimate interests."

"Many powerful entities"? I honestly don't remember a lot of times in mythology where they get away with things just because they're gods other than Zeus having sex with everything.

"He has a secular perception of life, considering that some entities are merely born under more favorable circumstances, that there is inherently no merit in coincidences, and that taking pride in one's abilities is simply unwarranted narcissism."

I'll probably have a problem with this later on, but not yet.

"Sociable and understanding, with a playfull spirit and a keen sense of humor, he is interested in a great many things and experiences, exceptional ones in particular. Very creative and pragmatic, he sees success as the expression of truth and usually prioritizes factual results over abstract notions, with durable balance and lasting happiness as primary guidelines."

Typos: playfull (playful has one l)

"Very humble considering his capabilities, he puts good relations and free will at the top of his social values, only resorting to violence and coercition when provoked, or if the current situation clearly calls for it. Despite his overall leniency though, respect and self-defense are serious business to him, and those crossing the line invariably suffer a suitable punishment."

Typos: coercition (coercion[???])

I'm honestly beginning to doubt his amorality.

" Particularly fond of women and intimate interactions, he makes a point of making the pleasure mutual, shifting his appearence and properties to match their strongest desires, using greatly advanced physical and psychological skills based on massive experience and keen empathic attunement, enhanced further still by unique pheromones and subtle psionic stimulations for a truly mind-blowing experience, followed by an exquisite appeasement and energizing afterglow."

"Have I mentioned I'm heterosexual today?": Once

Typos: appearence (appearance), empathic (empathetic)

And here begins the theme of him having sex with almost any woman he meets. And also, if he's with multiple women, how will he be able to keep a form they all love at the same time?

"While he cares little for fleetings affairs, long-term love interests hold a fundamental place in his heart and are treasured accordingly, blessed with an extremely privileged life in a transcendent utopia he personally tailored for their fulfillment."

Typos: fleetings (fleeting)

I'm not sure how you can hold a long-term engagement with the population of a city and they're all somehow okay with you being with other women. It's so unrealistic. But, I guess this is a utopia, so...

"Lawrence's mindset is the direct reflection of his dual origin, mixing polar opposites. His overall persona is very human, as it was gained through merging with a human being, and he proves immensely caring and generous to his own people."

Oh, yeah, somehow being able to care for every single one of your wives and daughters. Realistically, you're going to forget a few of them.

"On the other hand, his invulnerable nature and towering problem-solving abilities lead to a radically different perspective on life, foreign to fear and suffering, thus focused on the only significant factors left : close relations and self-fulfillment."

Self-fulfillment like this entire character is?

"Its major backdraw is a distinctive lack of concern for unrelated people and the world at large, perceiving 'like' and 'care' as synonymous, which in turn essentially limits his emotional involvement to personal circles and immediate proximity."

Typos: backdraw (drawback)

If it limits his emotional involvement to personal circles and immediate proximity, how does he get with and stay interested in all of these women?

"As for the others, he simply adheres to the Golden Rule, returning favors, respect and hostility in the same proportions."

Well, good for him I guess.

"Due to his unlimited upgradability and complete freedom, Lawrence made self-improvement the purpose of his existence and self-enjoyment his way of life, especially considering his limitless planeshifting abilities grant him access to an infinity of new worlds to discover. Despite his ever-increasing capabilities however, Lawrence remains a very simple being at heart, and all he desires in life is a cosy place to call home, lots of happy female company, and neverending adventures."

"Have I mentioned I'm heterosexual today?": Twice

Typos: cosy (cozy), neverending (never-ending)

Why does he need to improve himself? He's already got an infinite harem and he's basically invincible.

"He spends his existence living many successive lives on many different planes through temporary avatars like so many real-size games, exploring different ways of life and sides of his own personality, gaining a number of new companions on each of them and moving onto the next when the time has finally come. Each plane's entirety is notably memorized upon arrival for safekeeping, while access to the data is gradually unlocked alongside his experiences as reward system."

"Data" is gradually unlocked? THE UNIVERSE IS A SIMULATION CONFIRMED

'' "While extremely adaptable, he invariably declines gay interactions for the same reason he never takes on female forms : because his gender and orientation are as self-defining to him as his humanity and personality, all permanently imprinted at birth and adamantly unchanging over the aeons, maintaining a durable sense of identity through his endless evolution." ''

"Have I mentioned I'm heterosexual today?": Thrice, and you had to make an entire paragraph to explain that you're straight, in the same way that LGBTQ+ people have to explain why they're LGBTQ+ to straight people who ask them why they're LGBTQ+, except nobody was going to question you as to why you were straight anyway.

Like, is this paragraph even necessary? Seriously, straight is something society never questions. That's why the word "heteronormative" exists. Nobody is going to ask why you're straight or that you're sinful for being that way.

"He never performs any personal rewriting without the person's clear information and express consent due to his great valuation of free-will, though those who did earn themselves a lethal punishment are usually recycled to the benefit of the most deserving out of constructive principle. For the same reason, his overwhelming fighting capabilities are limited to defensive and protective purposes, as their liberal use would forcefully bend others' will, invalidating the previous point."

I'm getting a headache from the paragraph that was there to enforce the heterosexuality no one was questioning, so I might not even be thinking straight, but this rubs me the wrong way. Like, I looked ahead in the article and it showed faceclaims for your powers and they were almost exclusively for destroying, so... What's the truth?

"Lawrence identifies to any appearence he personally designed for himself, which essentially function as the physical expression of his personality according to each specific context. He thus never takes others people's appearence, and rejects the very concept of impersonation as the worst insult to both impersonated and impersonator : the denial of self."

Typos: appearence (appearance)

You can look like a celebrity without saying you're a celebrity. That's why there's celebrity look-alike contests.

"Lastly, he has a strong aversion for Reality Warping abilities, as they essentially nullify the value of work, achievement and even reality as a whole, just like unwanted mental alterations remove the value of the self. All conceptual powers gained during his adventures are thus masterfully re-engineered and associated to the S.T.A.R system for optimal live adapation, then made available to Selforge Soldiers only so they may defeat virtually any kind of metaphysical opponent."

Typos: adapation (adaptation)

I don't think there was any allusion to what the S.T.A.R. system even was before hand, so I don't understand this. Not that I can't comprehend the rest of it.

You know what, forget it, I'm just going to go straight to what makes me lose all respect for your character right here.

"Most immigrating citizens are originally heterosexual, and gradually develop a secondary bisexuality later on in response to Selforge City’s extremely attractive and empathic population, its ideally favorable and hedonistic environment. Native citizens are born this way, allowing them to naturally appreciate both sides of their society’s charms without reservation."

This is just... absolutely disgusting. It's just hypocritical, sexist, and fetishizes bisexuality in one fell swoop. I thought you were on this whole thing about how your character was heterosexual because it was imprinted upon him at birth, yet anyone who goes there turns bisexual to appease your fantasies of women making out with each other while you fuck them.

I can't show any respect anymore.